It's Ok....

It's Ok.... I know that many women who have dealt with or are dealing with infertility or miscarriage hardly ever whisper those words... But I want to let you know right now... It's Ok! Let me explain... Its Ok to grieve... Its ok to cry... Its ok to feel that little pang of jealousy when you hear a friend announce they are expecting! These are real human emotions and real reactions... It makes you human... I know right after my miscarriage I actually felt guilty when I wanted to cry because I felt like I was making others uncomfortable... And I really hated the "look"... Women who have dealt with this know that "look" that I am referring to... the "you poor woman... but I am glad its not me.." look... And to be honest I have probably given that look a few times in my lifetime... I have learned that pain is inevitable but misery is optional. It is also ok to give yourself time... I think that too many times we tend to brush that emotion, that hurt that comes with miscarriage and even infertility under the carpet because its not so pleasant to deal with... In fact it down right stinks! Who wants to deal with it at all?? I mean I know for me personally I felt like I did something wrong... That is the worst feeling... the guilt! I felt like even my sweet husband blamed me for what happened (which he did NOT... could not be farther from the truth)... I know its irrational... NOW. But back then in the first few weeks following my miscarriage, I felt like "how can he NOT blame me?? I was the one pregnant! Its not like someone else messed up... what did I do wrong??" And I am here to say that there was nothing you could have done differently in most cases... It wasn't the cup of coffee I had... It wasn't the heavy grocery bag I lifted... It was not anything I did or did not do... Nor is it anything you did or did not do... I also want to say its ok to try again... I know that is a scary thing when you have had a miscarriage or even several... Its ok... Its also ok to heal. I think that we forget to do that... When we don't allow ourselves to heal emotionally, mentally and physically then we cant truly enjoy the other amazing things in our lives... We cant find hope to carry on... We tend to worry about everything needlessly... Think about this... before something traumatic happened in your life you probably never really even thought that would happen to you... you didn't worry... but then it does happen and now your thoughts are consumed with it happening again... You are not healing. I have a sweet friend who had back to back miscarriages and she and her husband had been trying for a baby for quite a while... She allowed herself to heal... And when she found herself pregnant again and those same thoughts came rushing in about "IT" happening again she found comfort and solace in this passage in the Bible, James 1:5-8

 ⁵If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
 ⁶But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
 ⁷For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
 ⁸A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

I am not saying that God is some "Cosmic ATM" that we just have to ask and *SHAZAM!* it is given to us... sometimes it is not in His plans for us right then... I believe that God always has 3 answers to EVERYTHING... Yes. No. and Not Right Now.... Its Ok to have peace with any of those answers... they arent going to change... But please find what it is that makes it "Ok" for you.... Whatever it is... Its Ok.